


Place A Spell On Me

by Miss_Deyora_Ash



Series: The Truth Lies In Between [2]
Category: Led Zeppelin
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Complicated Relationships, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Light Bondage, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23982544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Deyora_Ash/pseuds/Miss_Deyora_Ash
Summary: Robert wants to believe Jimmy, wants to believe him so badly it hurts. And it's so easy to whenever they're together. Maybe he's just paranoid.Maybe he does love him.
Relationships: Jimmy Page/Robert Plant
Series: The Truth Lies In Between [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729192
Comments: 15
Kudos: 31





	1. Prove It

**Author's Note:**

> Part two of the darker story I've been writing. 
> 
> TW: Dub-con and manipulation. Robert doesn't say no, but he doesn't say yes either.

They’re in San Francisco, and everything is simultaneously wonderful and horrible. Jimmy has finally recovered from the awful cold he’s had the past week or so, that had them cancelling the second set of shows. (Not that that stopped him from charming the pants off Miss Pamela. He’s been trying to call her all day.) That means he’s back to his normal frustrating self. He spent the entire day making sarcastic comments about West Coast psychedelia and how perfectly Robert fits in with the crowds all over the city.

Robert isn’t talking to him, or at least avoiding it as much as possible. Not so much that others will notice. He doesn’t react to the jokes. He was so excited to see San Francisco, had romanticized it so much in his mind. In reality it’s different. The flower children may still be on top in other cities, here where it all began the candles are quickly burning out. And now the kids stand in line to see them, Led Zeppelin, the hardest rocking band in history.

Not exactly true, maybe, not yet, but not exactly a lie either.

The show went great, so all that doesn’t matter. Robert feels like he could rule the world. They’re sitting in a booth in some café-bar-thing somewhere near the venue, where half of the kids recognize them from the show. A pretty girl he saw in the front row is now looking in their direction. He thinks he might want to take her back to his hotel room.

Except now Jimmy’s undressing her with his eyes. He’s looking pretty in his tight satin trousers and colourful scarf. Robert wants to take it off and tie his hands with it. Take control. Watch him go all flustered and scared. Or maybe he wants to nick the girl from under his nose. Fuck her tonight and take her to the show tomorrow just to rub it in.

“Imma go grab a beer,” he says, standing up. “Anyone else want something?”

“Whiskey,” Jimmy says. Robert considers whether he can act like he didn’t hear. Probably not.

Getting through the crowd is easy, they part for him. Like Moses and the sea. Sometimes he gets a bit arrogant after the shows, but so what? Not asking for anything people aren’t giving anyway. One bird comes up to him all shy and red-faced. Black hair, he notes. “I liked the show,” she says, a bit breathless. He flashes her a smile and she goes giggly and sweet. He doesn’t like the shy ones.

“Thank you, miss…” he leaves it open, grabs her hand and presses a kiss to it. Too easy.

“Andrea,” she answers, stammering.

She is pretty though. And she’s got black hair. “Well Andrea, I have to go grab some drinks. But maybe you can join me in a bit? I’m at that table over there.” He didn’t know it was possible to get so flustered, but apparently Andrea is very talented in that area.

“Y-yes, maybe.” He walks away, but not before giving her another smile. She giggles again.

It’s busy at the bar, a single bartender rushing around to get everyone their drinks. He leans over the polished wood, easily gets his attention. The pros of being six foot tall. He’s been in a strange mood all night and wants out, so he decides to go for something harder than beer. Bonzo’s too drunk to confiscate it this time.

“Two whiskeys, on the rocks.” On the rocks is a very American thing, and Jimmy hates it. Not how whiskey’s supposed to be drank. What-the fuck-ever.

The bartender squints at him, looks him up and down. “Your ID first, kid.”

Man plans, god laughs. Isn’t that what they say? Robert has his ID with him, tucked away in his back pocket. Peter would kill him if he knew, because he’s told him a million times it’ll get stolen. He has a passport too, and more money than he has ever had, so he isn’t too concerned. Of course, handing the bartender his ID will not help, considering America is ridiculous and says you need to be twenty-one to drink. It’s stupid. “Forgot it, but I’m twenty-one,” he says, smiling as charmingly as he can. A bit of a risk. It works with girls always. Blokes can either think him polite and charismatic, or think he’s flirting with them.

The bartender snorts. “Right, I’ve heard that one before. Get out, kid. And I mean out of the building, cause we don’t need a fine for serving teenagers.”

Robert frowns at him, which elicits no response. “Come on mate, I just played a show. My band’s right over there.”

“Good for you, now get the fuck out.” The bartender moves on to another customer.

Robert huffs and turns around, fully intending to go back to the table and sent one of the other to get drinks. He kicked up too much of a fuss apparently though, because the bartender signals to some giant bloke in the corner and the man starts making his way towards Robert. Great, really. A wonderful end to the evening. Can’t even get bloody drunk.

He doesn’t protest when the security guy grabs his shoulder and steers him towards the exit. He does turn around towards his bandmates and dramatically mouths ‘help’. Bonzo is the only one to notice and immediately starts laughing his ass off. Such a great friend. Maybe he should tell them he’s twenty too.

The air outside is cold, and Robert doesn’t even have a jacket. The security guy looks somewhat apologetic. “Sorry kid, rules are rules,” he says, not waiting for a response before heading back in. Robert curses loudly and wraps his arms around his torso in an attempt to keep himself warm. Even his bloody cigarettes are inside!

He kicks the wall as hard as he can and immediately regrets it when the pain hits. He hopes he didn’t break a toe. Eventually he sits down next to the entrance, back against the wall. Next time he’s keeping his hotel key on him at all times.

It’s been just long enough for him to start shivering when slender fingers appear in his field of sight to offer him a cigarette. He takes it, doesn’t even think about it. Click of a lighter, and then rustling as his coat is placed over his shoulders. So gently.

“What on earth did you do to get yourself kicked out that quickly?” Jimmy asks, laughing but not mean.

Robert laughs as well, shakes his head. “Not be twenty-one.”

“Ah. Are you cured of your belief that the world is great yet?”

Robert thinks about saying ‘you already did that’, but Jimmy’s being sweet. Or at least as sweet as he gets. And Robert’s a weak man.

“Come on,” Jimmy says, grabbing his hand and pulling him back onto his feet.

“Where are we going?” He puts on his coat without waiting for the answer.

“Wherever we want.” Jimmy grabs his hand again, pulls him along through dark streets. Mostly empty, and if not, well, it’s San Francisco. Who cares.

They end up back at the hotel, somehow. Unplanned, because Jimmy laughs out loud when he sees. Finally drops his hand and they walk in. Most parts of Robert are screaming at him to turn back right this fucking moment, thank you very much. Because he’s angry at Jimmy, isn’t he? Jimmy let him down. Jimmy clearly doesn’t give a fuck about him.

Except that Jimmy was the only to go check on him, and he didn’t even go back into the bar after doing so. He wanted to stroll around with Robert instead of picking up the pretty front row girl. Held his hand even.

(They never had that fight, but maybe he would react in the way Robert had imagined?)

He needs to thank Jimmy for that.

“Do you have your key?” Jimmy asks, startling him out of his inner considerations. “Cause G’s got mine.”

“In my coat,” he says. His mouth feels dry, like somebody stuffed cotton wads down his throat.

Jimmy smiles, languidly and dangerous. God he’s attractive. “You’ll let me crash with you then, won’t you? I’ll make it worth your while.”

Silently Robert opens the door, lets Jimmy enter first. The guitarist saunters in like he owns the place, endless legs in trousers that hide nothing, and lets himself fall down on the bed. Black hair spread around his face like a demonic halo. Robert follows, perches next to him. He smirks, runs calloused fingers over Robert’s arm. Up, up, up. Over the edge of the coat and beneath it again, hands feeling ice cold through his thin shirt.

(Leave leave leave now you’re angry at him he’s treated you horrible.)

(Not like you weren’t out with girls as well.)

(But I never acted like they meant the same. I always place him first.)

He stops touching him then, maybe sensing his strange mood. But when Robert opens his eyes Jimmy’s holding out a joint instead.

“Told you it would be worth your while,” Jimmy says, completely casual and calm, like he wasn’t systematically seducing Robert just a second ago.

He stammers a bit and feels a sudden sympathy with An-something from earlier tonight. Whatever her fucking name was. “You meant weed,” he says, feeling idiotic as soon as he does. Because this can only end in another one of Jimmy’s tricks.

Jimmy smirks again, very slowly, and raises a single eyebrow. “Unless there’s something else you want,” he says, lifting himself up further so he’s even closer to Robert.

And this isn’t fair. This just isn’t fucking fair, that is not what he meant. And Jimmy knows it, he must know it. And now he’s acting like this was Robert’s idea, like he’s the one to initiate. That’s practically giving him permission. Robert always regrets giving Jimmy permission. He always ends up feeling horrible the next day.

He feels incredibly cold all of a sudden. It wasn’t even subtle. God, he’s so fucking easy.

He can feel Jimmy’s breath against his ear, and then his lips at the edge of his jaw. Incredibly gentle, incredibly sweet. Talented fingers brushing over his thighs, chest, crotch.

“God, you’re so hard for me,” Jimmy sighs. He is. Has been since Jimmy walked into his hotel room. “Robert. You want me.” It’s not a question, but Robert likes to think there’s wonderment somewhere in his tone. That it’s surprise instead of force.

He will not answer. Will keep that much of his pride. Everyone wants Jimmy, of course they do. The man who put a spell on the world.

“Robert.” He looks at Jimmy. Blue eyes meet green. “Get up. Strip for me.”

He’s never been quite this cold he thinks. Stands up on unsteady feet, undresses. Watches Jimmy watch him. Slowly. Slowly. Turns around and slides down his jeans as well. Not very smooth, but he can hear Jimmy’s breath hitch.

Feels himself be pulled back on the bed. Hands above his head.

It’s a really beautiful scarf. He’s never seen Jimmy wear it before, but he suddenly recalls seeing Pamela with it. Now he’s tying his hands to the headboard with it. Tight enough to leave marks. He isn’t sure how he feels about it, but he isn’t about to protest. He bets none of the girls ever do.

Jimmy sits back and looks down at him. Satin trousers soft against his bare thighs. Robert thinks this is the hottest thing he’s seen all week. Jimmy’s calloused fingers trace his bare chest, pluck at his nipples, and he can’t hold back a moan. Hates himself for it, maybe, a little bit, because he still isn’t quite sure he wants to be here.

“You're perfect,” Jimmy whispers. "The only one." Fucking liar. Maybe he should start that conversation now. Jimmy won’t run if it means leaving Robert tied to his bed. Probably.

“Is that what you told Pamela as well?” he asks without consciously deciding to. And Jimmy goes all still and silent. Robert’s seen that reaction before. It can end in yelling or reasonable explanations, depending on what mood Jimmy’s in and what he thinks will get him the best result. Making his decision.

He suddenly realizes how awful this has the potential to be. Getting Jimmy angry while tied up and naked might not be the best plan. Not like he hasn’t heard the stories about the things Jimmy _enjoys_. He tugs at the bonds almost frantically in a useless attempt to break them.

“Of course not,” Jimmy says, like it’s the most ridiculous thing Robert could possibly come up with. “Why would you think that?”

Why _does_ he think that? “You called her beautiful,” he says, feeling incredibly stupid. No, he’s right. He knows he is. He isn’t overreacting.

“She is beautiful,” Jimmy laughs. “She isn’t you.”

“You were with her all last week,” Robert accuses. That isn't what this is about, but suddenly he can't think of the words to explain what it is about.

“Well, I couldn’t risk getting you sick. You wouldn’t be able to sing.” It sounds so goddamn reasonable when he says it. And it’s not like they’re exclusive. That has never been an option. Maybe this is what it is about and he's just being jealous. Jimmy laughs again, shakes his head. “You’re special Robert. My perfect boy.”

Robert hates being treated like a child when he hasn’t been one since he was sixteen. But when Jimmy calls him that he can only love it. “You mean it?”

Jimmy bends down and kisses him, and it’s wonderful. Makes his way down Robert’s neck and chest, biting and sucking to leave marks he won’t be able to cover up. Not with his stage clothes. “You’re mine,” he says, and Robert knows tomorrow before the encore Jimmy will crowd him into a wall and press his fingers to all those marks in turn. A secret way of showing the entire world the truth.

He cries out loud when Jimmy finally reaches his destination. Wraps his mouth around him and sucks hard. He’s had girls who are better than this, but still it never feels quite as good. He goes slow and it’s almost too much. Robert feels like he’s in heaven, feels like he does when he’s singing at a particularly good show, feels like he might die if Jimmy doesn’t speed up.

He doesn’t. He manages to keep breathing through the sensations, crying out the same he does on stage. Jimmy is touching him with single minded focus, playing his body the same way he plays his guitars. And when he finally finally finally makes him come it’s like the world is shattering around him. Jimmy moves back up, kisses his seed back to him, and maybe maybe maybe this is what love feels like.

For a moment it’s all perfect and right.

“Do you really think that I don’t care for you?” Jimmy sounds awfully sad, but when Robert looks at him his face is unreadable. He sounds so sad though. Like it really hurts him that Robert might think that.

“I’m sorry,” he says, because that’s what you say when you hurt someone.

“How could you think that?” Angry and hurt now.

Why did he think that? It was obvious he was just misinterpreting things. He should have trusted Jimmy. It’s not Jimmy’s job to reassure him whenever he gets insecure. He should never have told Jimmy about it, should have pushed the feelings away, should have – “I’m sorry, Pagey! I just- I don’t know, I’m sorry,” he stammers out. Tries to make this okay, because it needs to be okay.

He needs it to be okay.

“How often do I need to tell you? Don’t you trust me?”

Robert doesn’t know when it went so wrong. Why did he even say anything, he should have kept his mouth shut. “Of course I do,” he says, tries to calm him down.

Jimmy stops yelling. Refuses to meet Robert’s eyes still. Then finally looks at him, still seeming too vulnerable. “Prove it.”

Anything. Anything to make Jimmy believe that he does trust him, that he does have faith in him. He’s been so stupid to doubt him. Jimmy cares for him, loves him maybe, and that makes all the other things moot. If Jimmy loves him he’ll do anything for him to prove he’s worth it.

“How?”


	2. Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath of the previous night. About regrets and the lies we tell ourselves to feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of dub-con. Only an enthusiastic yes means yes when it comes to sex. Sadly, for a long time people instead believed 'no means no'. 
> 
> I was planning to write the scene at the end of the last chapter, but I couldn't make it work. I think it's pretty clear what happened from the things mentioned in this chapter, but tell me if you're confused and I'll find a way to fix it.

Robert wakes up sore and bruised. And still sticky from the night before, because they were too tired to clean up afterwards. The sheets next to him are cold and empty and for a moment he thinks Jimmy abandoned him sometime during the night. Then he hears the shower is on, and there’s nobody else who could be in there.

He could get up and join him, wash his hair and kiss him under the spray. He’s pretty sure he’d be welcome. But when he goes to get out of bed he notices the belt still lying on the floor. He feels like throwing up or hiding under the blanket. He swallows heavily and sits back against the headboard.

A distraction, some way to stop thinking for a while and just escape. He could use that. His copy of The Hobbit still lies on the bedside table where he left it before the show last night. Dog-eared and falling apart, because he’s read it so much. It seems strange that that would still be the same when everything else suddenly seems so different.

_No, nothing changed. Nothing happened. Nothing you didn’t agree to._

He picks it up and listlessly turns the pages. He doesn’t feel like reading, not really. Strange. Unlike him.

Robert remembers reading this curled up in an armchair at Maureen’s home. Or at least pretending to, because really he was listening in on the conversation between Maureen and her sister on the other side of the room.

Maureen had been talking in the tone she usually used when Robert was planning something stupid and she was gonna let it happen, which was what caught his attention. “You need to be careful, okay? I won’t tell mum, but I don’t want you to come home crying.”

“What could even happen?” Shirley said, rolling her eyes in that way only teen girls could.

“Boys are trouble,” Maureen replied. “Some lie and use you and then throw you away once they’ve gotten what they want. And they deserve a good punch in the face, but you’ll already be hurt then. So instead you need to make sure they don’t do it to you in the first place.”

“I _know_ him, he’s not _like_ that.”

“Which is why I’m letting you go instead of telling ma about it! Just be careful.”

“Thanks for not telling. Can I go now?” Still in the bothered teenager voice. Robert stifled his giggles and hid further behind his book so they wouldn’t notice.

“Yeah, sure. Don’t get killed.” Maureen was acting cool, but there was a fond smile on her face as Shirley practically skipped out the door. Then she whirled around and raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t get to eavesdrop on us, Rob. I will kick you.”

Robert put the book down and made an innocent face. “Whatever are you talking about?”

She looked completely unimpressed. He liked how unimpressed she was with him always, though it was real frustrating as well. “Though I guess you could use the advice,” she said with a sideways smile, and she walked over and sat on the arm of the chair. Ran tan fingers through his hair.

“I would never treat a girl like that!” he protested, then after thinking for a moment added; “Well, I don’t think I’ve ever done so at least.”

She laughed, beautiful and melodious. “Sure sure, you make them believe they’re the most special thing in the world and too good for you and that’s why you leave them. Not as bad as it could be at least. But don’t try that innocent face on me, I know better!”

“Did a boy ever hurt you? I’ll punch him for you,” he offered.

She just laughed again. “You, punch someone? I don’t think you know how.”

“True, but I will yell at him.”

She was still running her fingers through his hair. He’d been growing it out a bit, his parents would’ve probably said he looked like a girl if they’d known. “You’re sweet. But I punched him already. And anyway, I meant advice _for_ you, not advice about girls.”

He’d abruptly pulled away from her lovely hands and resolutely turned back to his book. “I dunno what you’re talking about.” And pulled away and left immediately. Maybe she thought she was wrong about it, or maybe she was just teasing him and confused about his reaction. Either way neither of them ever brought it up again.

Now he thinks maybe they should have had that conversation. He thinks Jimmy’s the sort of boy she’d have warned him about.

He gives up on reading, but leaves the book open to give the impression that he is. His guitarist can come to him this time.

Jimmy does, not much later. Hair still wet and wearing only a bathrobe. Very much unlike him, and Robert basks in the feeling of being the only one who gets to see him like this. “You’re awake,” Jimmy says with a tiny smile, and he sits down on the bed next to him.

There’s an unease in the air that wasn’t there last night, a tension that makes Robert want to crawl back and curl up as far away from Jimmy as possible. He suddenly regrets not getting dressed, but he’d have had to get up and see that goddamned belt lying on the floor. He forces a smile back. Hums out a greeting and puts the book on the bed next to him.

“How are you feeling?” There’s concern in Jimmy’s voice. He’s fussing with his hair and his fingernails in that way he does when he’s real nervous or shy. “Was it okay? Last night? I thought…” He trails off, doesn’t finish the sentence. Robert wonders what he’d do if he says it was not okay.

It’s a good question though. Robert isn’t quite sure what the answer is himself. Maybe just that it would have been more okay if he hadn’t felt like he would lose Jimmy if he hadn’t agreed. He wraps his arms around his legs and rests his chin on his knees. Shrugs a bit.

Jimmy being worried is new, strangely exciting. A part of him wants to rile him up, scare him. Make him apologize until he loses his voice. See if he doesn’t have some power over Jimmy like Jimmy has over him. And besides, if Jimmy starts fretting it will prove that he was telling the truth last night. That he _cares_.

“You’re not like that,” Jimmy forces out, and Robert waits for the explanation. “I realized… I got caught up in the moment. But you’re sweet.” It’s somewhat exasperating, Robert thinks, how bad Jimmy is at explaining himself. Almost as exasperating as the way he can be so cruel at night and so lovely the next morning. He peers at his wrists. The skin is all raw and red from where he twisted them in the scarf.

Jimmy sees and gently grabs his hand, inspects it. “Go shower, love. I’ll find some cream for this, you’ll be just fine.” He sounds apologetic still, and like he is trying to convince himself of it. But he’s never called Robert ‘love’ before, and Robert can’t ruin this now.

“It’s fine,” he says. Which, yes, not exactly true. But not really a lie. He agreed to this, and it wasn’t like he hated it. He can ignore the sting of tears threatening to escape his eyes as long as Jimmy doesn’t see. “You enjoyed yourself.” The stickiness and ache between Robert’s legs is proof of that.

But Jimmy called him ‘love’. He loves him.

Robert flees to the bathroom before Jimmy can say anything else. He steps under the spray while it’s still cold. His back stings as the water hits, and that he can’t ignore. All of a sudden he feels dirtier than he’s ever felt.

The shower warms up fairly quickly, but almost mindlessly he turns the hot faucet open further until he can barely stand it. Until every drop of water leaves burning traces on his skin.

Jimmy loves him. He _loves_ him. Nothing can mean more than that. Nothing can cancel that out or twist that or make it wrong. And he regrets last night anyway, so why does it matter? It just won’t happen again. And Jimmy loves him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and forces all thoughts of last night away. Pushes the feelings down until all that’s left are the butterflies from Jimmy saying ‘love’ and touching him so so so gently. He washes his hair, scrubs his body down, and gets out of the shower. His skin is bright pink from the heat and he hopes he didn’t actually get burned.

Pagey loves him. Butterflies, smiles, all that stuff. And Robert loves loves loves Pagey so much too.

He wraps a towel around his hips and exits the bathroom. Pagey is sitting on _his_ hotel bed, wrapped in _his_ sheets, smoking _his_ cigarette. Eat your heart out, girls, cause he’s here with _me_. And he loves _me_.

He sits down across from him again, and without a word Jimmy takes his hand. A container of some sort of salve is next to him, and it’s cool on Robert’s wrists and he rubs it on the bruised skin. Jimmy’s silent and still and so beautiful, and looks like he’s pushing whatever he’s feeling down just as much as Robert is. So Robert kisses him, soft and sweet, the way couples kiss instead of illicit lovers. Jimmy’s eyes flutter closed, lashes brushing against his cheeks. When they part he’s flustered and pretty. “What did I deserve that for?” he whispers against Robert’s mouth.

Robert shrugs. “Felt like it,” he lies. Jimmy smirks and for a second all the doubts come crashing back, but then he kisses Robert just as innocently.

“I should go before someone wonders what’s taking us so long,” he says then. “Join me downstairs in a bit, eh?”

“What are we gonna tell the guys? G knows you didn’t have your key.”

Jimmy shrugs, completely unworried for once in all the time Robert has known him. “I’ll tell him we got high and fell asleep.” Robert thinks a year ago he wouldn’t have believed that could ever be a good excuse for something. It’s more the sort of thing you’re supposed to find an excuse for.

Before he points that out Jimmy gets up to leave the room, at the last second turning around. “You should probably wear a long sleeved shirt.”

Robert should probably say something snarky at that.

He can’t think of anything though. For a moment he’d forgotten about – _it_. The door slams closed and he’s left alone with his thoughts.

He drops back on the bed. Why did Jimmy have to say that? Couldn’t he just let him ignore the whole thing happened? Let him push the memory away and ignore it forever until it was barely anything at all?

He lets out a shuddering breath, tries to force it down. Jimmy loves him, he said so. Well, he called him ‘love’. It means the same though, doesn’t it? And either way, he said he cares for him before that. And he was so gentle with the cream.

Which he wouldn’t have needed if not for Jimmy’s stupid ridiculous expectations. If Jimmy hadn’t twisted his thoughts all around and made him feel like he didn’t have a choice.

It’s all wrong, isn’t it? But maybe not. Jimmy loves him, he said so. He took him back to the hotel. He tells him he’s beautiful and talented, and always compliments him after shows. He’s different. Jimmy acts different around the girls, he must. And he never lies to him. He was hurt because Robert didn’t trust him.

The reasoning doesn’t seem nearly as reasonable when it isn’t Jimmy saying it. He suddenly feels as cold as he did last night when Jimmy first turned the tables on him.

But it has to be true. Why would Jimmy lie? He can have anyone he wants, why would he want Robert if none of it is true? He knows Jimmy must care for him. In some way.

Except he doesn’t know Jimmy, not really. Then again, the other side of that coin is that Jimmy doesn’t know him either. Not really. Robert can make people adore him, Jimmy can play with their hearts, but how do you learn what’s behind that? As if Robert is really the sunshine flower child who thinks everything will turn out okay.

Jimmy doesn’t know Robert got kicked out of home after his father saw he’d written about a boy in his journal. He doesn’t know Robert likes going to football games with his mates back home. He doesn’t know that Maureen had a pregnancy scare right before they went on tour, and that Robert had been terrified but also so excited because he thought he’d have a real family.

And what does Robert know about what Jimmy wants? About why Jimmy was here last night, tying him to his headboard with last week’s girl’s scarf?

(Fuck. You can’t do this. You just can’t.)

Robert breathes in deep, tries to settle back in his body, but it’s still like he’s seeing everything from a distance. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He wants to die a bit right now maybe. Wants Jimmy to never never never stop playing him, but only if it’s real. Only if he isn’t doing this to get even more of a hold over Robert.

“Jimmy, stop,” he whispered to himself. The words were ridiculously easy to say. He meant to say it, he did. He just didn’t know if he could, and he was absolutely sure that he didn’t want to know what Jimmy would do.

Would he have listened?

He would have listened. Of course. He practically said so this morning, said that it went too far. Robert should just have said so last night. And now it’s his own fault and he has to live with the consequences.

The belt is still on the floor where Jimmy dropped it last night. Expensive leather, gaudy silver buckle. Robert picks it up and throws it into the trash.

Dresses himself in a tight long sleeved shirt, the only one he owns that won’t expose his wrists or the strip of skin right above his jeans. Pulls on the same jeans as last night, because he only wore them once and he doesn’t have enough clothes to wear a different set each day. Brushes his hair out and blowdries it carefully.

He gathers the bracelets strewn around the room and puts all of them on, just to be careful.

Jimmy loves him and none of it matters. None of it can matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOMEWHAT IMPORTANT: From what I've read the main reason Robert and Maureen got married is that he got her pregnant. This is an AU in which she had a pregnancy scare instead of actually being pregnant. Hence: no baby, no marriage, no official relationship at this point in time. (Bonus: he isn't cheating on her. Poor girl.)  
> I have a few reasons for this which I won't go into here because it would be WAY too long. Doesn't mean she's out completely though. She's still a very important person in Robert's life, and leaving her out wouldn't really make a lot of sense. So, just see her and Shirley in this story as oc's with their names!  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Robert is still a bit too insecure here, I think. More than he ever was in real life. Oh well, it's fanfiction anyway.
> 
> According to my source Jimmy was indeed ill during their first LA shows. I couldn't find anything about him being sick during the SF shows.
> 
> SPOILER - For those who want to know whether Jimmy is acting like he is on purpose and with malicious intent: He is doing it somewhat on purpose, but he also doesn't know how much harm his actions can do. He's just thinking "I want this and others would tell me if they don't" about virtually everything he's trying to accomplish. Robert is special, but not as special as he tells him he is.


End file.
